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Coco Loco (Mucho No Poco)

April 12, 2018

For a long time, I have been struggling to break my blogging silence. Fitfully I have started, stopped, squandered. Trying now some philosophy or politics, then a little criticism or gnomic fiction. I have attempted to write on the music of one friend, the memory of another; the death of Smullyan and the birth we never leave behind. Love-writing, hate-writing, slap-happy word-drunk writing– I have tried it all. Nothing has worked, nothing has broken through to completion. But I think now I have finally found a subject with which I can begin again, and crack the dam that has held me back, to let the fruitful, pent-up waters of my mind flow freely once again. I think now I have it.

Friends, I want to tell you about a great new product that I hope you will enjoy as much as I have.

If you eat ice cream then you know the Turkey Hill brand. (Or maybe not– I don’t know the extent of their market penetration.) They are humble people over at Turkey Hill. They don’t make the best ice cream. You don’t find their product in those precious little pints that promise a guilty but oh-so-extravagant indulgence. You buy Turkey Hill in solid one-and-a-half quart cartons (oh for glory days of my youth, and the half-gallon standard… gone now, like so much of the best of America) and if you are paying more than three dollars you might want to shop elsewhere. It’s cold, it’s creamy– it’s ice cream. You eat it, your life is a little better, what more do you want? I most often get the Colombian Coffee (note the sourcing– they might not be the the best, but they’re not the worst, and have a touch of class) then I bake some brownies and have a delicious fancy a la mode experience.

Recently I was browsing the freezers at Kroger (Barracks road store, for locals) and I noticed that they had a new flavor on offer. Labelled “Trio’politan” and then, below that, “Coco Loco”. Trio’politan appears to be an umbrella term for a variety of Neapolitan inspired triple-flavor cartons. (I have not had any of the others and can’t comment on them.) Naturally I was intrigued and took a closer look.

Coco Loco combines caramel, coconut, and chocolate ice creams.

Whoa. They did it! The good people at Turkey Hill broke the ice cream code. They finally figured out the perfect ice cream flavor combination. (Without cheating by adding brownies, which is obviously the best possible thing.) Three deep, rich flavors; essential flavors of the earth, without frivolity; staples of the confectionery art, beloved everywhere. Three flavors that go perfectly together. You don’t even know where one flavor begins and the others leave off; they all speak with the voice of a singular god.

Reader, I bought it. And I took it home. And in my kitchen I opened it and spooned it out into the waiting bowl, carefully including all three flavors in every spoonful. And I did eat. And it was Good.

I am now halfway through my second carton of Coco Loco. A third waits behind it in the freezer. And let me be honest: I don’t know exactly how I will feel about it after that third carton. I fell in love with a novel Turkey Hill flavor once before, and it lasted a while and then I grew to loathe it, never to taste it again. Turkey Hill is not the best ice cream. It’s poor people food, with just a touch of class. And I don’t know how long Coco Loco will be available. It looks like a limited edition deal. I have had my heart broken by those before, as well as by flavors that seemed to be here for good but then disappeared. (Mr. Häagen-Daz, if you ever discontinue Chocolate Chocolate Chip, I will find you and I will kill you.)

But I will never stop believing in the glory of caramel, coconut, and chocolate. The essential truth of Coco Loco will never die. I have seen the light and tasted the truth. I don’t know how I missed it before. It’s so simple. But a least now I know. And maybe you do too, dear reader, pending personal confirmation.

Thank you Turkey Hill. Not just for Coco Loco. But for this. You have given me back my words. I might even say, you have given me back my life. I can only hope that I can live up to your inspiration. Simple and cheap, but with a touch of class, and the occasional flash of genius.

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