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Ax-Murdering, Soviet Style

February 21, 2013

Former Soviet, actually. The following is quoted in Lost Cosmonaut by Daniel Kalder. It comes from The eXile newspaper (1998) and can be found here.

When 22-year-old Yuri Artomonov walked into the local police precinct in his Izhevsk neighborhood last January with the intention of confessing, he expected to be greeted as a much-sought-after serial killer. After all, Artomonov had killed five people in a 1-square-kilometer area with an ax over a two-year period and had, in addition, attempted and failed to kill four others with that very same ax before a combined total of 13 witnesses, at least half of whom knew him by first and last name. (Artomonov’s objective in each attack was the victim’s VCR, which nets the killer a special consolation Andryusha for high-volume, low-yield murder.) Upon confessing, however, Artomonov was surprised to learn that police weren’t even on the trail of a serial ax-murderer. Izhevsk homicide detectives had simply chalked it up to “coincidence” that so many elderly residents of the same neighborhood had been decapitated for their VCRs in such a short period of time.

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