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Revitalizing the Days of Our Lives

March 5, 2012

A simple suggestion: let us mildly revise the days of the week to Munday, Tewsday, Whenceday, Thorsday, Fryday, Satyrday, and Soonday.

I know people will say that this idea is merely whimsical. An idle, self-amused, slippered caprice. Not at all! I stand second to none in my stern, purse-lipped, unwavering intolerance of whimsy. Nothing is to be frowned upon so severely as whimsy. It is what brought us such horrors as lolcats, beer hats, Hurricane Katrina, AIDS, escargot, sub-prime mortgages, and appendectomies. No, my motivation here is most serious. It is a real concern for the future of the English-Speaking Peoples, our culture, our heritage, and our very souls.

Have you ever noticed how you can barely understand Chaucer? That even Shakespeare, the great Bard of our language, can be more than a little confusing? That is because language is a living thing, it grows and changes. This is the way of Human Nature. It is the Wisdom of Time. But look what has happened to English in the modern era. Sure, we keep adding jargon and slang and other bullshit. Stupid people can’t tell the difference between “disinterested” and “uninterested” or “spats” and “cravats.” Changes happen. But in the essential things, such as the names we give our days, the days which are the most basic units of our lives, the English language has become frozen. It has died. And a living people cannot long endure within a dead language. When our words die our souls are soon to follow.

And so my simple and modest proposal. I am certainly open to others along the same lines, and even more radical suggestions. For example, we could eliminate the unpopular Wednesday altogether, replacing it with a new day between Satyrday and Soonday which would act as a buffer between the profane and the sacred, to the benefit of both. The important thing is to keep our language and the culture it carries alive, radiant and virile. For ourselves, for our children, and for our children;s children. Et cetera and Amen.

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